Embracing the Unnamed Feeling: A Journey from Boredom to Peace

There was once a time when I had this mysterious feeling that I assumed was boredom. Now I’m not sure if that’s what this feeling really was. The thing is, I can never really be sure whether a feeling is what I think it is or that I’m even using the right word for it, because I have no way to show this feeling to someone else and verify that I have the right name. 

That’s the problem with feelings. It’s really hard to show someone your feelings. It’s equally as hard to describe them using words. Words are in fact a horrendously inadequate means to convey emotions to another person, so we can never be really sure whether they feel the way we do, even after we express our feelings to them. 

I also don’t know of any way it is possible for someone to hear or feel someone else’s emotions without the other person saying a word. At least, I don’t think I’ve met anyone who could hear other people’s emotions. 

If I had met someone like that, I’d have loved to ask them to listen to my feelings and explain to me what it is I was feeling, because I had no clue.  Maybe I wouldn’t even need to ask them, because they would automatically know how I felt and tell me exactly what I needed to hear. 

I’d have loved to get this magic ability so I could help others without needing to be asked, especially if they were people who had trouble expressing their feelings. 

I never did get to find out what that feeling that I felt was really called. I just assumed it was boredom, though I’m still not completely sure why I called it that.  

So, I had this feeling that I thought was called boredom, which I also believed needed to be fought, and the reason I believed this is because that’s apparently what you do with boredom, fight it until you no longer have it. 

Now fighting boredom involves doing things that don’t bore you, so you no longer feel the boredom. So maybe in a way fighting boredom is just distracting yourself so you don’t notice the feeling. 

The dilemma I faced though was that no matter how many times I valiantly fought it, it eventually came back.  Or maybe it never left, and I was just too distracted to notice. I can never be really sure. 

I sometimes wondered whether someone had ever taken the time to find a more effective solution. Maybe, instead of fighting it, we could just be friends with it. I liked this idea. 

But if you are friends with it, does boredom suddenly change and become something else? A different feeling?

Then again, why would boredom change because of friendship? Isn’t real friendship about accepting friends as they are instead of expecting them to change? 

I don’t really want this feeling that I call boredom to change, because I am now friends with it and have decided to accept it as it is. 

Now that we are friends, I also wonder whether I should still fight with it because honestly, I don’t remember why we were fighting in the first place. 

So now I’m left sitting with a feeling that never leaves me and is always by my side. I still don’t know its name though sometimes I suspect it might not really be boredom. 

I guess I’ll never really know, so nothing much has really changed, except that there is no more fighting going on, which I suppose is a good thing, or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know. 

I can never really be sure about things like this, so I never know whether to be happy about it or not. It gets very confusing sometimes. 

Maybe this is why people prefer fighting and distracting themselves to making new friends.